i really hate people who loves to mumble to themselves,
with every word aiming at others,
and at the same time trying to push whatever blames out of herself,
where in fact, it doesnt concern anyone else at all.

we are always the innocent ones bearing all her nonsense yet keeping silence.
but there's a limit to my tolerance,
and i finally broke my silence.
if i didnt do that,
all the anger compiling inside me would have triggered me to murder her,
or i would have killed myself.

she's just driving me crazy.
i'm glad there's a place called 'library'.
it has a healing effect where i drowned myself in all the books,
and isolate myself to prevent hearing all those nonsenses at home.


i wonder if i was just being overly sensitive or that it is really happening.
my mood will just plunge to the very bottom whenever it happens.

i think i shouldnt hesistate anymore.


it was a rather impossible thing for me to stay awake throughout the wee hours of the night,
but i did that last night (this morning),
just to catch the 'live' telecast of the MJ's memorial service.
i'm not truly a hardcore fan of his,
but his songs and dance absolutely attracts me to him.
the ending part when his daughter spoke made me teared.
anyone, whom have seen that scene would have cried too.
it was really sad.
sighs


i miss my grandfather so much.


me: happy birthday fat papa.
pa: thanks cute girl girl.
me: cute is not the word for me anymore. call me pretty girl girl. HAHA.


if only everything that happened is nothing but a dream,
and once we woke up from the dream,
everything is back as per normal.

but that will never happen.


we sent grandma to the A&E last evening.
but i'm glad everything turn out fine.
she looks much better today.
just few days ago,
she was really so weak and pale.
it really scared us all.
we wouldnt want to go through another griefing again.
grandpa's passing has already caused so much of tears and sadness.
speaking of which,
we all miss him alot.
the whole house just seem so different without his presence.
but i believe he did came back to visit us,
otherwise weird things wouldnt have happened.

cousin said he saw rainbows while meditating,
and that is a good sign.
i really hope he's freed from all the sufferings.
he've suffered alot these few years,
and it pains me to see him in that state.
sighs.

no matter what,
he'll always be remembered by us all.
loves.


ah ma is sick now.
she is having the same symptom as ah gong before he passed away.
its really heart wrenching...
nothing can really describe all of our mood now.

called the doctor,
and he said this could be serious and she may just go anytime.

she has been asking why ah gong hasnt come back home yet.
all we can say is he has gone to be with 'lao mu niang',
and she asks when can she be with them too.
sighs.

perhaps its good for them to reunite together since they have always been a loving couple.
i really cant bear to see her suffering now...


whenever i walk past his room,
tears would just flow.

i really miss him lots.
i love him more than i love anyone else in this house.
i remembered telling isk before,
if ah gong were to leave us one day, it would be a huge blow for me.
and indeed it is.
also, with his demise being a sudden one,
i found myself totally unable to cope with it.
its a double blow.

i have tried my best to spend as much time with him at his wake,
talking to him, trying to capture his last look,
and hoping he wont feel lonely.


ah gong, wherever you are now,
i hope you are doing great...
and rest assured we will take good care of ah ma.

love you, as always.




grandfather has left us,
and it wasnt a peaceful one.
he puked blood before passing on.

no words can describe the emotions running inside me now.
i couldnt even be by his side to bid him goodbye.
i just hate myself for falling sick at the wrong time.

all of us thought he just caught a common flu,
but it turns out to be pneumonia,
and it took his life.
he's gone forever.


the doctor said he's leaving us anytime now.
i hate myself for falling sick at this crucial moment;
i cant even see him for one last time.

i hate myself.
i hate myself.
i hate myself.


grandfather is admitted to the hospital again.
doctor diagnosed him to be in critical condition,
and he might not make it back home this time.

i wanted so much to be with him,
but i cant go to the hospital,
because i wont get through the temperature screening.
for all i know, i might be transferred to the CDC because i'm having all the flu symptoms - fever, cough, flu, sore throat.

the feeling of helplessness simply sucks.
there's nothing i can do but to wait for the phone calls at home.

i would blame myself forever if i am the cause of his pneumonia.


sometimes its really sad to know that someone whom have been so close with you for years, yet in the end, that person still couldnt understand what kind of a person am i.
there are times when i am feeling down or moody or whatever,
but i dont find the need to explain to you as to why am i behaving like that.
there's no obligations involved anymore.
anyway, would you even care even if i told you?
maybe you will say you care about me,
but i felt otherwise.
that kind of special mutual trust has long gone,
and it will never ever come back again.

what really pisses me off is that,
you are forever saying you will not contact me ever again, after i gave you that kind of 1 or 2 words reply?
what kind of logic is that?
isnt that acting childish?
obviously i was feeling unhappy or moody or other reasons, thats why i replied in such a manner!
in the end, what i got from you is "FUCK OFF! and STOP BEING A BUM!"

of course,
i was pretty upset about those words,
but i decided to ignore it,
because there wont be any ending to it.
it will happen anytime again.

anyway,
i was feeling so down these few weeks.
(and that person make me even more upset last night.. oh wells.)
decided to visit the GP since i dont see any improvements to it.
did a blood test,
and the report is out.
i need to take another test again.
sighs.
really feel so tired.
i just hope that things will go back as per normal soon.

ps: sorry to friends if i cancelled any appointments at the very last minute... really sorry. :/


i was flipping through the photo albums and all my childhood memories came back.
i really miss being a small little girl;
no stress, no worries.

















the 3 musketeers.
really miss those good old times with cousin and brother.









HAHAHA!
is that really me? omg! :x:x:x




oh wells.

if only everything was as simple as before.
but thats highly impossible since we are living in such a fast paced country.
life is full of stress, worries, anxiety and maybe excitement and happiness at certain period of time.
personally, i am not someone who would cope well with stress.
i get emotional so easily that i do freak out at times at the thought of it. :x
i really need to learn to relax,
and i think its a good time now to do so...


i am so angry with myself for not answering his calls.
perhaps i'm just not lucky enough to catch him;
the phone always happens to be inside my bag whenever he calls!

nevermind.
i will sms him instead.
;)


if it still persist, i will need to visit a dermatologist soon.


i will be changing my hp number soon.
am still receiving prank calls which is just so damn irritating.


i'm back!
anyway, the weather was rather disappointing.
but its definitely better than Singapore's.
its so freaking hot now!
i'm sitting right in front of the fan, yet i'm still sweating.
arghhh!!! AIR-CON~ i need you!

anyway,

as usual,
eat, shop, walk, and walk, and walk and pictures!
the food was another disappointment.
it caused me to have food poisoning,
just as im about to head to bed at around 12am,
the pain came.
it was so sudden that i almost died.
so terrible.
luckily i'm able to get to sleep after a bomb in the toilet.
but the next morning was another round of bombing.
total maddness.
luckily i felt better after that.

we headed down to Chin Swee Temple around 10am.
had our brunch - vegetarian meal.
finally a decent meal.
the food was good.
and the place was simply gorgeous.
it was so peaceful,
with really beautiful scenary.
i love the place so much.

went to catch a movie, 'Night at the Museum 2' after that.
nice show.
and its worth the money.
RM17 for premium seating + popcorn + drink + snack.
where can we get such a good deal in singapore?
dream on! hahaha.

anyway,
fun times always passes so quickly.
back to reality.
but i hope to go on another trip soon!
i hope.. ;)

korea? taiwan? china? canada?
hahaha.


pictures.





















today's paper is the most horrifying paper of all.
all i can say is, it would be a miracle if i can pass corporate finance.
miracle~ miracle~ i need you!

on a happier note,
EXAMS ARE FINALLY OVER!

and i'll be going Genting early on the morning tomorrow. :D

these 3 weeks have been so hectic and stressful and tired.
i badly need to destress.

anyway, good luck to those having last paper next week!


the marketing paper was tough.
i think they deliberately set the standard higher.

gosh.
what's wrong with all the papers this year?
its totally too far-stretched compared to the past years.
really no point mugging so hard,
because in the end,
i would end up staring at the paper,
with my mind in a total blank.

:(

one more paper to go.
and that's my worst fear.
good luck!


i am feeling extremely lousy today,
just not in any mood to start revising.

i'm so glad that he called.
at least i was happy for 20minutes today.


the paper was disastrous.
i studied hard, but still its not enough to tackle such tough questions.
its really tough,
that i left 20marks undone.
20 marks for POA questions? thats definitely a first for me.

i was so demoralised after the paper.
and to make things worst,
we got to rush for our next paper - sociology.
within 45mins, we need to fill our stomach, visit the-always-long-queue washroom, walked from Expo Hall 9 to Hall 3, and to do some last minute revision.
i was simply too disappointed for my poa paper, not to mention doing last minute revision for socio as well as grabbing a bite.
-stoned. drained. tired.

SIGHS!

really upset.
ahHhhHHHhh~~~~~~~~~~~


that was so sweet of him.
=)






only recent months,
i started to experience stomach discomfort; cramp, days before the monthly thing.
usually it'll only be during the first and second day.

either or, both hurts badly.

is that normal?

i'm think its better to go for a checkup.
will do so after my exams.
meanwhile, i can only take panadol to ease the pain.

sadness.

the discomfort is affecting my revision.
i feel so lethargic.

18 days left.


i have always thought that sociology is a boring subject,
especially with such a boring lecturer.
and i seriously hate going for classes.

but today,
all of us enjoyed the 6 hours overseas revision lecture!
the UOL lecturer is so humourous.
it makes the forever-boring-sociology lesson so interesting.
laughters and more laughters.

if only, my lecturer was half as good as him.
i would definitely love sociology then.


got back the prelim scripts,
and indeed it was disastrous for corporate finance.
it was pathetic.
i need to work triple hard for that paper.


i think...
i still prefer long hair. :x
oh wells.





finally, i went to the salon and trim my hair short!
though not that short, but its still short - shoulder length.
actually, i couldnt decide how 'short' should it be.
and before i could decide, the stylist snip my hair off!
all thanks to my aunt, for telling him to cut as short as possible, since i couldnt make a decision at that moment.
and they both gave me that kind of evil-smile after snipping it off.
-__-!
what else can i say?

hahaha.
anyway, it looks.. not bad.
its something 'new' for me.
maybe i should say i'm not that particular about it.
=)

all thanks to the hairstylist.
he's good.
*nods-nods*


i'm left with 29 more days to study before the commencement of the first and second paper.
(i'm sitting for 2 papers in a day.)
kill me please.

anyway, after having gone through the prelim solutions,
i'm even more certain that i gonna flunk at least 2 out of the 3 prelim papers!
if i'm going to sit for the finals in this current state,
i'll be sooooo dead.
x x
-

i need more motivation!


FINALLY, my brother received his enlistment letter yesterday!
YAY~*jumps around* (i can finally save money. hahaha.)

B U T. . .

coincidentally, his enlistment date is EXACTLY THE SAME DATE WHICH WE PLANNED TO GO GENTING! shheeeessshhhh. :/ (buy 4d or ToTo also not so 'lucky'.)

ps: brother! i will go on a trip without you ok? i'll take lots of photos and let you drool with envy. hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha~