A Glimpse Of Wonders

2010-12-27T13:25:00.002+08:00

i just hope to be happy and healthy again.

2010-07-26T14:25:00.001+08:00

life is short; cherish all your loved ones around you before they are gone, and not having tears of regret when its too late..

2010-07-11T15:06:00.000+08:00

if i have the chance, i will leave this place.

damn it, i will just fucking get lost, get out of your sight, if thats what you wanted.

2010-06-22T10:14:00.000+08:00

some people are just not worth to be considered as a close friend;
and come to think of it,
why do i realise it only now?
what a fool am i.

you're history as of today.

2010-06-09T08:54:00.001+08:00

Unmistaken Child is one of the best documentary i've ever watched.
no regrets; strongly recommended for those who believe in Buddhism and reincarnation.
its amazing how they can come to find the reincarnated Lama through astrology, dreams, etc.

no doubt, this documentary portrays an unmistakeable beauty of human life.

having watched that film,
it inspires me to explore further into their teachings.

2010-05-27T17:56:00.000+08:00

空虚. . .

2010-05-08T15:43:00.000+08:00

that very day,
it was her usual appointment with the doctor at the TB centre.
in the morning, she was in one of her unusual energetic form which makes us pretty glad,
otherwise it would be difficult to bring her out of the house.
none of us expected anything to happen that day.

it was supposed to be me accompanying her to see the doctor, which was always the case,
but i was held up with my studies that i seek help from another aunt to accompany her.
as usual, uncle came to fetch her and aunts..
and as usual, they have to wait for the nurses and doctors even though the appointment time stated 2pm.

(the previous time i went, we waited one hour, ONE HOUR!
not that there are many patients around; i'm sure there are less than 5.
how can they make an old lady on the wheelchair, who can barely lift up her head to wait for an hour?
we have to take turns to support her head, for we are afraid that it might strain her neck..)

the nurses came to take her blood, and all tests turn out fine.
aunt was still adjusting her mask before pushing her into the doctor's room - she was still awake.
when the doctor wanted to check on her, they realised things wasnt right.
no pulse; no heartbeat; no longer breathing.
the doctors and nurses were stunned,
they didnt know what to do..
because they have never came across a patient who passed away at their centre!

nevermind with that,
the specialist came and tried to revive her but it was futile - she was gone.
me and another aunt rushed down with her identification card (to register for the death certificate).
when i reached the TB centre, and when i saw her already half 'bundled' up body waiting to be sent to TTS mortuary, i felt myself losing control of my movements.. .. all weak and about to collapse anytime.

i touched her face, it was cold..

that very moment, it truly dawn onto me that she's gone..
she has left us all for good.

--------------------------------------------

after her funeral and cremation,
i felt exhausted.
with the days of sleepless nights, with .. tears..
it knocks me out totally.

with only 2 days left to study before the first paper,
it was tough.
i couldnt get myself to concentrate at all.
so, i went for the paper half-heartedly, with zero confidence.
indeed, the paper was a disaster.
i had the urge to tear the paper apart.
and the freaking cold air-con make me immobile; hands and feets numb.
it hinders my brain to work, and i think i'm like drawing instead of writing.
sighs.
whatever.
i left many questions blank.
it would be a miracle if i could pass.
next paper on tues,
again, zero confidence.
sighs.

no mood.

its Mother's Day tomorrow;
but she couldnt live pass this very special day.

i miss her.. very much. =(

2010-05-04T18:08:00.002+08:00

i feel so lost right now.
i need to talk to someone to pour out my sorrows, to cry out loud.

i feel the exam stress, yet i cant bring myself to concentrate on anything right now.
things happened too abruptly; and i'm totally on the verge of breaking down.
sounds silly but yes, i did thought of giving up the exams, given the fact that, i know i wont be able to study at all.
people are giving me encouragement and all the 'good luck' wishes; but i dont feel that to be of any help-they aint the ones taking the exams anyway.

first paper on friday, and i have yet to study..
i'm scared.
i dont wish to flunk the paper; but i just dont have the time to study.
grandma's cremation was today, and i was totally drained out by then.
i'm exhausted both physically and mentally.

i miss them so much.
sighs.

2010-05-03T23:59:00.004+08:00

depressed.

:'( :'( :'(

exhausted.

goodbye, my beloved grandma..

i love you, and will always do.

14jun09, beloved grandfather left us;

30apr10, beloved grandmother left us to join grandfather.

within a year, i lost the 2 most important person in my life.

i feel.. terrible.. upset..

i dont know what else to say.

and,

i'm having my first paper on friday.

kill me please.

:'(

2010-04-27T16:44:00.002+08:00

i need more concentration.

2010-04-16T18:38:00.002+08:00

grandma's health is deteriorating day by day..
and she weighs at only 26kg now.
it really saddens me to see the state she's in now.
but... what to do?
sighs.

2010-03-11T17:57:00.002+08:00

mood is ridiculously bad;
i can feel the stress and pressure.

2010-03-07T16:02:00.002+08:00

the erratic weather leaves me in a constant state of restlessness.

the world is coming to an end!

2010-03-04T10:16:00.002+08:00

grandma's condition doesnt seem to have any improvements.
she will just go into a sudden 'non-reactiveness' at any point of time.
seeing the state she's in now, it really pain us all.
there's nothing we can do other than to pray that she can smoothly finishes her last journey without much sufferings. :/

and we have to be on 24hrs standby,
for she may have a sudden relapse of a seizure, fever, cough...

-----------------------------------------------

classes have finished; mock exams in the midst.
luckily its not the finals, else i will be dead.
totally not in the study-mode;
i cant seem to concentrate given grandma's condition.

2010-02-20T13:51:00.002+08:00

sometimes, i dont see any reason to live on.
the only consolation i have is the 2 dogs.
they are the reason why i am still hanging on.
i feel tired, really.

yet another trauma last night;
panic attack afterwhich.

2010-02-18T10:24:00.002+08:00

grandma was discharged on tuesday,
but she was admitted again last night.
and now,
the doctor suspected its her relapse of brain tumor,
that explains her occasional fits.
she was eating well yesterday's morning;
after having fits in the afternoon,
her condition changed.
we've got no choice but to send her back in again.

having had mild pneumonia and tuberculosis,
and if its true that she has brain tumor as well,
i'm really wondering whether a normal person can survive through all these,
least mentioning an 85 years old person having to go through such a tough battle at this age.

its so heart-wrenching..

2010-02-15T18:23:00.001+08:00

HAPPY LUNAR NEW YEAR

and

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

birthday wish:
i really really hope that grandma can be discharged from the hospital soon!

2010-02-13T04:15:00.002+08:00

right now, i'm staring into the laptop screen.
i feel scared; i really dont know what should i do.

grandma is admitted to the hospital (due to cough and slight fever).
we never have thought that,
history is repeating itself again.
she has got pneumonia.

when we first got the news,
my heart dropped; followed by tears of fear of losing her.
we already have had a nightmare 8 months ago;
i do not wish for another.

please, i just hope that she can survive through this festive period.
reunion dinner is still waiting for her.
=(

2010-02-09T09:42:00.002+08:00

gotten a birthday gift yesterday from my aunt.
it was the most expensive yet valuable present i've ever received.
althought i'm not one who really fancy jewellery (i go for fake ones usually),
but since she asked whether i want or not,
i was thinking, WHY NOT? heee..
so...

i chose a

Destinee Ring.

no, she's not rich,
she merely trade-in those jewellery bought decades ago.
it has since appreciated quite significantly.
good for her, but of course good for me too. :)

-----------------------------------------------------

met up with girl friend last evening for dinner.
as usual, we will always meet up during this point of time since our birthdays are just 3 days apart.
it has since been a routine i must say,
just the 2 of us. :)
i really feel at ease whenever i'm with her.
we can just talk about anything under the sun;
bitching, gossiping, bad-mouthing, laughing at each other.
other than her weird habit of visiting the toilet (almost) after every meal,
we have quite a number of things in common.
perhaps that makes us why we are still as close as ever.
cheers to friendship!
:)

2010-02-05T12:01:00.001+08:00

new year's coming; birthday's coming,
but i'm totally not in any festive or celebrating mood.
=(

2010-01-27T08:55:00.002+08:00

oh, and i almost forgot.

HAPPY 4TH BIRTHDAY TO CREAMY!

and,

HAPPY 5TH BIRTHDAY TO FLOFFY!

love them so so so much. :)

2010-01-27T08:48:00.002+08:00

his concert is finally here!

and we are so excited about it. :)

initially wanted to go for the S.H.E's concert;

but decided not to in the end - save money.

i'm more interested in watching mr hsiao's.

cant wait.. 13 March 2010!

:D:D:D

2010-01-21T20:56:00.002+08:00

i have no idea why i've been thinking so much about my past r/s even though it was over long ago.
perhaps the impact i've gotten is too huge for me to just simply forget about it.
it hurts so much.

it has since left a scar in me,
and it somehow made me afraid to open up my heart again.
perhaps i will never trust another guy again, seriously.

i'm scared of yet another heartbreaking outcome.

2010-01-15T16:08:00.002+08:00

finally managed to complete an assignment, but there's still another yet started.
and that's the tough one.
just feel so restless today, and tired as well.
if not for the demanding and strict teacher,
i might just decide not to do it. :x
(its alright to be lazy once a while.. :>)

anyway,
mum's 54th birthday is coming,
and we've made a reservation at Lingzhi Restaurant for lunch buffet tomorrow.
i hope the food doesnt disappoint me.

after buying mum's a birthday gift,
i'm too broke to sponsor for the buffet.
supposed to be a 50-50 share for the present between bro and me,
but, as usual, he reduced his share portion to 30-70.
what a stingy person.
*rolls eyes*

anyhow,
hopefully mum likes the pair of (real) diamond earrings.
(she's been hinting to me that she couldnt wear those fake ones due of her overly-sensitive ear lopes.)

2010-01-14T16:48:00.003+08:00

i have never seen a dog, who is limping,
yet still can run about - very fast!
i really dont know to laugh or to worry for her.

luckily, she's fine now.
maybe it was just a cramp.

its really funny to see creamy running around with only 3 legs + 1 leg hanging in the air.
but at the same time,
SHE SCARED THE HELL OUT OF ME LA.
i thought her leg broken or what.

stupid girl.

2010-01-08T11:28:00.002+08:00

i just realised how similar can a dog and a human be in terms of character.

CREAMY IS AS STUBBORN AS ME!

makes me so mad sometimes,
especially when she's dilly-dallying when comes to meal time.
but come to think of it,
can't blame her,
for i'm like that too.
:x

putting all such negativity aside,
she sure have her ways of cheering people up.
and i'm so glad she's with me during those bad times.

speaking of which,
i am happy to have friends who still cares for me.
thanks for everything. =)

(p.s: kl, the tagboard is up! :>)

2010-01-06T14:50:00.003+08:00

i lovee her. <3

2009-12-27T15:50:00.003+08:00

i am just a useless person in their eyes.
i am hurt.

i hate them when they are being so unreasonable.
i hate them when they push all the blame to genetics.
i hate them when they are not at all supportive in whatever i do or say.
i hate them when they showed favouritism.
i hate them when they portray different personalities in front of different people.
i hate them when they only think for themselves and not others.
i hate them when they scolded me after i raised my opinions.
i hate them when they just ask me to leave the house if i'm unhappy.
i hate them when they just ask me to go and die if you have the courage to.

so, will they be happier if i'm dead?

everytime,
i will hear them say all the husbands in the family are USELESS,
thats why WE are all useless too.
tell me, how useless am i?
everything i do, i do it not only for myself.
but still, they will still think that i'm a useless person.
and that i had better not have my own family,
else they will all be useless too.

what can i say?

my heart's pain.
my heart's crying.

sometimes i really wish that i dont exist at all.

(read through the previous posts about kinship, i realised how silly i was to think that they really treasure the people in the family - all are nothing but craps!)

2009-12-24T21:07:00.003+08:00

if only things were like 1 year ago,
where i was enjoying myself at lotte world, korea.

today is a real terrible day.
its been so long since i cried so badly, very badly.
and i'm feeling very tired.

i dread waking up every morning.
life's horrible.

i just wish for time to stop right now.

2009-12-15T12:58:00.002+08:00

today is grandmother's 84th birthday.
we had an advanced birthday celebration for her yesterday.
i'm so glad that she was in good condition,
(i.e. being able to sit upright; singing her favourite childhood songs).
if only grandfather is still around,
we will be celebrating both of their birthday's together,
since coincidentally, their birthdays are just days apart.
though he's not around anymore,
but still, he's not forgotten.
never will he.

anyway, i hope that more such celebrations would come.
but then,
its seems that grandmother only have daughters.
weirdly, but indeed.
where are all her sons?
not even a phone call to wish her,
not to mention asking about her condition ever since grandfather passed away.
its really upsetting to know that,
having sons are really useless,
for no one bothers in the end.
they will only all appear during CNY or funerals.
seriously,
that sucks isnt it?
the whole big family can only gather together when someone in the family passed away?
woahhh.
very realistic.

sadly, but in reality,
one will realise alot of those ugly truth as one gets older.
lucky for me,
i was being brought up in this part of the family where kinship matters.
i treasure them alot,
especially the older ones,
for you will never know when will they leave us.
speaking of which,
bad news came in today.
grandmother's younger sister passed away just this morning,
on grandma's birthday.
sighs.
only at this point of time,
i'm glad grandma is senile.

2009-12-14T21:38:00.002+08:00

barely slept for 3hours last night,
just to rush the tutorial which was given yesterday's evening.
i'm knocking out soon.

2009-12-12T13:40:00.004+08:00

i have the tendency to glue myself to the television whenever there's those sports games (ie. sea games, asian games, commonwealth games, olympics etc) going on.
YES, i'm 'glued' to the tv!
nothing can distract me off;
and no, i will never go out on those days except for school.

speaking of which,
i have class tomorrow, on a SUNDAY!
crazy teacher with such a crazy schedule.
i'm getting sick of seeing him, 3 times a week!
and every lesson of his seems like a nightmare.
gosh.
i am so afraid of going to his lessons. :/

anyway,
kbox-ing with gf on thurs was awesome.
but i must admit, my singing sucks totally,
though it was a great session; a great way to relieve stress!
i had my fill of tidbits till i feel so bloated at the end of it.
its bloody expensive can,
so must eat more since its of free flow!

more to come!

2009-12-06T00:29:00.003+08:00

suddenly, i thought of something funny when out shopping with aunts just now, which make me ease a little while doing the stressful assignment.

salesperson: would you like to purchase the hair dryer which is on promotional price?
aunt: oh, i have bought one recently.
salesperson: you can get another one for your friend, etc.
aunt: but my friend dont have hair.

me: HUH? your friend got no hair?

*salesperson laughs*

aunt to me: can't you tell that i'm just telling a joke?

me: -_-" *rolls eye*

alrights, back to assignment.
-yawns~

2009-11-30T18:53:00.003+08:00

:'(

2009-11-29T13:50:00.002+08:00

i'm so glad the mac's monopoly game is over,
for this gimmick here is really making me gain more weight!

really had too much of those junks these few weeks;
i'm not gonna step into a macdonald for at least the next 3 months.

^-^

ok, i have many assignments and tests due in the mid of decemeber.
mum, dad and bro are going away for a holiday during my busiest week.
*pouting*
i wanna go~~! :( :( :( :( :(

2009-11-24T13:49:00.002+08:00

why did i choose management accounting?
why did i choose management accounting?
why did i choose management accounting?

WHY DID I CHOOSE MANAGEMENT ACCOUNTING?

2 tutorial questions, and i can attempt it for 1 whole day.
thats how bad things are, for me.

'm stupid~
'm stressed!

hahaha. going crazy soon.

2009-11-24T11:39:00.002+08:00

there's never once where i have a good impression of a doctor.
in fact, i hate seeing doctors.
the way they behave in front of patients, totally irks me.
its as though we 'owe them big time.'
bad experiences. :/

generalizing?
maybe.
but thats a fact, and i hate doctors.

i have 2 cousins who are doctors;
but their character simply sucks to the core.
useless; unfilial; attitude problem; money-faced.

therefore, conclusion.
being a doctor SO WHAT?

personality - bad, attitude - bad = ?

2009-11-18T15:24:00.004+08:00

a fat and ugly neighbour just raised her voice and complain that we should 'TIE UP MY DOG'S MOUTH' to prevent its barking from scaring her.

what the hell?
did my dog run out of the house and bite you or something?

tell me, which dog doesnt bark?
a mute one maybe.

i think i know the reason why my dog barks at her.
there must be a ghost sitting on her shoulder!
(ahhhh... strangle her!!!!!!!)

sheeesh.
i hate this fugly woman with f attitude problem.
its no wonder her husband is having an affair outside,
and none of the other neighbours likes talking to her.
*shakes head*

my tolerance level has been shaken by her.
one more time and i'm gonna rebuke.
so pissed with such a person.
goodness grace, a neighbour somemore.
just our damn luck maybe.

2009-11-18T14:35:00.002+08:00

'the person you trusted the most, tends to be the one who will eventually hurt you the most.'

this thought of mine will always remain as a nightmare to me.

i used the word NIGHTMARE, because its just so scary. :/

but then again,

thats reality isn't it?

a harsh one indeed.
and it sucks.

2009-11-17T14:25:00.003+08:00

going through army,
is what most guys hated or feared about.
whether or not one is physically and mentally capable of going through the whole tedious process, ultimately depends on the individual himself.

although one might seem to be physically fit,
his mental state might prove to be otherwise.
and i believe many army boys are having a hard time coping with emotional issues.
its never easy to go through such a mental torture,
especially when the officers are always trying to make a hell out of you.
no doubt thats what army life is;
to transform a boy into a man through all sorts of training,
but still, not everyone is 'mentally strong' enough to withstand the whole long process.

i am pretty worried for the 2 boys in my family who are currently serving the nation.
they are far away from us all,
and we have no idea what they are going through.
this may sounds silly,
but yes, i'm afraid something bad might happen,
especially cousin, who has been sick for months.

somehow, the ironic thing is,
it seems to be a 'routine', or 'perfectly normal' for those officers to verbally abuse or accuse the boys.
protocol? maybe.
but this is so unfair for those innocent ones.
sighs.

anyhow,
life is never easy to start with;
challenges, obstacles, emotional issues.
simply put, life is unpredictable, life sucks!
:(

2009-11-09T17:20:00.002+08:00

i'm beginning to regret my decision in taking up management accounting.
but its too late for regrets now~! ahhhh~
hopefully i wont kill myself upon attempting all those questions,
for i foresee those intense and uber stress days ahead. :(

soon, very soon.

2009-11-04T17:13:00.003+08:00

there are just certain things in life where one is unable to fulfil or accede to it.
unhappiness may be caused,
but perhaps thats the best option out for both parties involved,
so as to prevent any further miseries.

i have no intention to hurt anyone in the process,
and whatever my decision is,
its for our best interest.

i'm really sorry if in any ways my words have caused you to feel sad or whatsoever.
hopefully we could still be like what we have always been - a friend who will always be there for you whenever you need him.

Love is complicated;
its hard to be explained and understood.

but, i believe you will find someone way better than me. :)

2009-11-03T12:04:00.003+08:00

finally caught the "MJ - This is it" yesterday after class with aunt and brother.
no doubt about the show,
its absolutely awesome.
i'm thoroughly amazed at his moves, his voice, and his perfection in choreographing the whole concert.

however, the temperature in the theatre was kind of a tad too low.
we are basically freezing throughout the show, especially brother.
and he actually drank finished my cup of zapple without me realising it.
its no wonder he was freezing~ :x

at the end of the movie,
i have a stiff neck plus shoulders.
its all the theatre screen's fault.
why on earth do they mount it so high up?

bad bad headache henceafter...

2009-10-30T12:29:00.002+08:00

with an aging population,
more and more funerals can be seen at the void decks,
especially in my neighbourhood.

currently there's one opposite my block,
awaiting to set off for cremation.
i was standing by the window last night,
observing as they were burning the incense papers.

many things came to my mind at that time,
especially the funeral of my grandfather that took place only 4 months ago.
the image of his lifeless body,
is still vividly etched in my memory.
everything happened too quickly;
mummy and aunt sent him to the hospital's A&E on that fateful morning,
and that was the last i ever see him again.
i wanted so much to rush to the hospital,
but being sick at that very crucial moment (together with the strict H1N1's preventive measures taking place), there's nothing i can do other than to wait for the phone calls at home.
every second passes as if the world is going to collapse anytime.
anxiety, and more anxiety.
i've never felt so much of an anxiety in my life.
and finally, that dreadful call came.
my heart stopped.
he's gone.

nobody expected him to leave us just like that,
and until now,
i'm still sadden over his demise.
i miss him so much.

what really disappoint me is,
throughout these years when grandfather is going through a hard time,
the daughters are the only ones doing their part,
ensuring that he is in great hands,
and that he's not alone in this world.
what's the point of having a grandson who specialises in the medical field,
yet NOT EVEN ONCE visited grandfather in the hospital and asked about his conditions?
what a 'filial' grandson indeed.
i despise such a person.
not to mention his parents,
they are of the worse lot.
its a shame to have such people in the family.

anyhow,
ever since this tragedy took place,
i've learnt to treasure the people and things around me.
life is unpredictable, and anything can just happen without you knowing it.
love the people around you;
except the ones who doesnt deserve it. :x

2009-10-27T16:13:00.003+08:00

i was overwhelmed with emotions after reading the newpaper on saturday.
there's so many 'shocking' stories that somehow affected me.

and the most upsetting yet angry news;

a groomer hit a maltese-terrier with an electric clipper (because it doesnt behave and bit him during the grooming process?), causing its eye to bulge out, and it died henceafter.

OH MY GOD!

doesnt that akin to murder?
and he was sentenced to jail (if i didnt remember wrongly) ... for only 2 weeks?
that's definitely way too lenient of a punishment!

poor dog.
what's more, its only a mini breed that's weighs about 3.5kg.
therefore, what harm can a small dog inflict to us human?

it really doesnt deserve to go through such a horrifying death... :(

2009-10-18T11:58:00.007+08:00

brother's 21st in advance.

anyway,

my mind is so occupied with stuffs recently - school, family, friends, relationship, and myself.

school;
i dont feel motivated at all to revise through the weekly lectures.

it seems that the notes are being sprinkled with 'sleeping powder',

and it always make me feel so tired whenever i went through them.

or, i will just space out after few minutes of concentration..

that's very bad. sighs.

MOTIVATION, PLEASE COME BACK!

family;

she's always trying to find fault at me.

it always happen over and over again.

stop it can?

i am getting more and more frustrated at the thought of it.

she, always make me so angry and the silly me will hide somewhere to let out my emotions.

sighs. what to do?

oh, and i miss grandfather soooooo much. :(

take me with you, grandpa.

friends;
though i do not have many,

but i am glad i have a few good ones.

and i thank them for staying with me whenever i need them.

heart them.

relationship;

i do wonder, when will that confidence lost be gained back again.

the thought of it just make me feel so upset and painful.

its never easy to fully input the trust in someone,

and when you have finally done that,

he decided to leave you for someone else.

what's more upsetting is that,

he will try to give a whole load of excuses to get rid of you...

how nice is that~

though thats the past,

but the fear, the wound and the scar will forever remain.

who can heal them? prove to me that i'm wrong.

myself;
i dont see the usual self in me anymore.

googled my suspicion and perhaps i'm right about it.

stubborn i may be, you will never see the real me.

2009-10-12T14:15:00.008+08:00

4 days 3 night of holidaying in bangkok is NOT ENOUGH!
before you really enjoyed yourself,
its time to head back home..
and classes resume the next morning.

i was too tired to go for class today,
as my legs are aching real badly from all the walking.
so i decided to give it a miss! :x

anyway,
it has been 13 years since i last went to bangkok.
of course, many things have changed.
the only thing that remains the same is that,
cockroaches are still everywhere!
it scares the hell out of me.
and to make things worse,
abel tried to frighten me further by claiming that their ground floor are filled with roaches and rats. (luckily i didnt see any~ what a relief!!!!!)

the next trip to bangkok,
i will be there for more days to shop as well as to PLAY.
i've always loved to go to places such as disneyland, dreamworld.. etc
it would be so much fun!!
will definitely visit dreamworld next year with abel;
am so glad that i've found someone who is so into thrilling and exciting rides like i do! :)

not many pictures taken during this trip;
just some random ones..

Changi Airport.

was caught in a major traffic jam, so we started to camwhore~

it was tired climbing the heap of stairs, especially when we are lugging our luggages up. but then, its a good form of exercise!

this meow meow here is such a sweetie; my perception of cats changed because of her. :)

managed to catch a glimpse of pulau tekong.

-'waves' to cousin~

2009-10-07T12:50:00.002+08:00

finally, its cousin's turn to get enlisted today.
and its time for him to learn to be more indepedent.

but then,
i'm pretty worried for him, cos he's real BLUR.
hopefully nothing goes wrong and he will be back in one whole piece, safe and sound.

anyway,
i'm flying to bkk tomorrow~
:D
till then.

2009-10-02T11:56:00.003+08:00

its been almost half a year,
and my condition seem to worsen as each day passes.
i'm really tired; depressed.

and sometimes,
i really hope to find someone who really understands everything that i'm going through now,
rather than trying to convince me that nothing is wrong!
i know for sure that something is very wrong with me.

although it is ideal to speak to people who are close to me about my condition,
but as always,
nobody seem to believe my words, or be interested in hearing what i have to say.

anyway,
its my own problem and not others;
they wouldnt know how depressing this would be.

i have only myself, both physically and mentally, to fight against whatever that comes.

its tiring.
very.

2009-09-16T13:41:00.000+08:00

bangkok trip is confirmed.
will be flying in 3 weeks time!
:D

2009-09-15T12:26:00.004+08:00

i hate to say this,
but by looking at those photos make me wanna puke so badly.
it just brings back those 'awful' memories.

words from your mouth can never be trusted.
cos' you'll end up hurting the person.

and certain wounds can never be healed,
for it'll always be remained hidden somewhere deep inside..

2009-09-06T12:24:00.000+08:00

i dreamt of my grandfather again.

he was dressed so handsomely at some kind of a wedding dinner.
and we took a photo together.
though no words exchanged,
but i remembered the smile on his face vividly.
it was as though during his younger days,
where he was still full of vibrant and energy.

he was really handsome.

i miss him so much.
just thinking of him would bring tears.

and looking at the state my grandmother is in now,
it brings more tears.

:(

Life is never easy to start with.

2009-09-04T15:44:00.002+08:00

somehow,
i'm looking forward to the commencement of the classes.
i cant wait to lay my hands on solving the mathematical questions. :x

most of the subjects will be quantitative,
which is a good thing for me,
'cos i hate having to memorize tons and tons of information.

big head doesnt mean having larger storage system.
my memory is bad.
i dont wanna risk choosing the wrong units again.
(ahh.. corporate finance was a nightmare.)

anyway,
i really hope the ladies would be able to cope well with an extra unit on hand.
we will all help one another to get through this!
:D

2009-09-02T15:16:00.001+08:00

results are finally officially released after the 'false-release' last week.
it almost caused me to have a nervous breakdown,
'cos knowing the fact that the results are out, yet you couldnt check it.

SIM is forever giving us such 'surprises'.
what a lousy system.
i reckon something similar is going to happen again during the eCR.
~!!!!!

school is finally starting,
and i need to put in more effort this time round.

hopefully,
no more of skipping classes,
and,
no more procrastinating!

2009-08-31T15:11:00.001+08:00

cousin is flying back to canada tonight.
we had a final gathering yesterday,
for a simple k-lunch.

not to mention about the food,
the mere 3hrs was laughters and more laughters.
and i realised,
they could really sing!

afterwhich, the gang went to catch the 'final destination'.
having watched the first few movies,
i totally can't bring myself to watch such horribly gruesome show.
like what my brother descibed me to be,
i've a heart that is similar to the size of a peanut - 'peanut heart'.

alamak, what sia.
its indeed a damn disgusting show can.
definitely not the kind of show i will watch.

anyway,
really hope the cousins will love the gifts which i bought for them.
it had cost me quite alot,
but well, if they like it, i wouldnt mind it at all.
afterall, we may not be able to see each other for a long period of time.

hopefully,
if time permits,
and not to mention having saved enough money,
i would love to fly over to canada.
it would definitely be a different form of experience that one can hardly gets.

2009-08-27T20:59:00.000+08:00

damn pissed.

for nothing i was being chided.
never will i meet you again.

2009-08-18T14:43:00.000+08:00

我的一番好心，
在你眼里却是一则废话。
最终还被你骂。

好难过，

好伤心，

但我只能把委屈往肚子里吞。

每当想起那件事，
我的眼眶就开始泛红，
眼泪不由自主地流了下来。

算了。

我告诉自己，
从此以后，
我不再干涉你们俩的任何事情。

总有一天，
你一定会后悔你之前的所作所为。
因为你不是在帮他，
而是在放纵他!

- 叹气 -

2009-08-13T14:13:00.002+08:00

i loveeeeeee fireworks!

2009-08-12T16:35:00.002+08:00

this fat girl always didnt fail to amuse me with her silly actions.
she helped us to lure (sniff) the cockroach out last night,
but at the same time, she was drooling all the way.
what the hell.
that's not a delicacy, silly girl.

2009-08-12T16:18:00.002+08:00

i love this picture; taken randomly during the NDP. =)

2009-08-11T16:57:00.000+08:00

i cant seem to upload any pictures.
all the icons are missing!

-angry-

2009-08-05T15:09:00.000+08:00

the television decided to die on us few days ago.
and knowing the fact that we couldnt survive a day without a tv,
aunt shifted out her small tv from her room.
its pathetic. :x
we've got to strain our eyes to read the words.

but luckily,
the new plasma tv arrived today.
its so much bigger.
i have yet to try it out,
because it was WAR with the 2 dogs in the room.
and i got to clean their pee and shit now.

2009-07-27T17:38:00.000+08:00

although no one said anything,
but i know,
all of us is still sadden by it.
and we miss him alot.
there's never a day that pass without me thinking of him.

what's left are the photos;
his presence and his warm smile.

2009-07-25T14:43:00.002+08:00

nothing beats meeting up with girlfriend for a dinner.
the food was delicious, the atmosphere was fantastic, and the company was awesome.

she never fail to make me laugh till i almost pulled a muscle.

thats her.

and i'm so looking forward to our next bitching session.

=)

2009-07-15T16:33:00.002+08:00

i really hate people who loves to mumble to themselves,
with every word aiming at others,
and at the same time trying to push whatever blames out of herself,
where in fact, it doesnt concern anyone else at all.

we are always the innocent ones bearing all her nonsense yet keeping silence.
but there's a limit to my tolerance,
and i finally broke my silence.
if i didnt do that,
all the anger compiling inside me would have triggered me to murder her,
or i would have killed myself.

she's just driving me crazy.
i'm glad there's a place called 'library'.
it has a healing effect where i drowned myself in all the books,
and isolate myself to prevent hearing all those nonsenses at home.

2009-07-13T22:13:00.002+08:00

i wonder if i was just being overly sensitive or that it is really happening.
my mood will just plunge to the very bottom whenever it happens.

i think i shouldnt hesistate anymore.

2009-07-08T16:40:00.002+08:00

it was a rather impossible thing for me to stay awake throughout the wee hours of the night,
but i did that last night (this morning),
just to catch the 'live' telecast of the MJ's memorial service.
i'm not truly a hardcore fan of his,
but his songs and dance absolutely attracts me to him.
the ending part when his daughter spoke made me teared.
anyone, whom have seen that scene would have cried too.
it was really sad.
sighs

i miss my grandfather so much.

2009-07-06T14:12:00.001+08:00

me: happy birthday fat papa.
pa: thanks cute girl girl.
me: cute is not the word for me anymore. call me pretty girl girl. HAHA.

2009-06-29T12:28:00.001+08:00

if only everything that happened is nothing but a dream,
and once we woke up from the dream,
everything is back as per normal.

but that will never happen.

2009-06-23T12:58:00.002+08:00

we sent grandma to the A&E last evening.
but i'm glad everything turn out fine.
she looks much better today.
just few days ago,
she was really so weak and pale.
it really scared us all.
we wouldnt want to go through another griefing again.
grandpa's passing has already caused so much of tears and sadness.
speaking of which,
we all miss him alot.
the whole house just seem so different without his presence.
but i believe he did came back to visit us,
otherwise weird things wouldnt have happened.

cousin said he saw rainbows while meditating,
and that is a good sign.
i really hope he's freed from all the sufferings.
he've suffered alot these few years,
and it pains me to see him in that state.
sighs.

no matter what,
he'll always be remembered by us all.
loves.

2009-06-20T14:07:00.002+08:00

ah ma is sick now.
she is having the same symptom as ah gong before he passed away.
its really heart wrenching...
nothing can really describe all of our mood now.

called the doctor,
and he said this could be serious and she may just go anytime.

she has been asking why ah gong hasnt come back home yet.
all we can say is he has gone to be with 'lao mu niang',
and she asks when can she be with them too.
sighs.

perhaps its good for them to reunite together since they have always been a loving couple.
i really cant bear to see her suffering now...

2009-06-18T20:49:00.002+08:00

whenever i walk past his room,
tears would just flow.

i really miss him lots.
i love him more than i love anyone else in this house.
i remembered telling isk before,
if ah gong were to leave us one day, it would be a huge blow for me.
and indeed it is.
also, with his demise being a sudden one,
i found myself totally unable to cope with it.
its a double blow.

i have tried my best to spend as much time with him at his wake,
talking to him, trying to capture his last look,
and hoping he wont feel lonely.

ah gong, wherever you are now,
i hope you are doing great...
and rest assured we will take good care of ah ma.

love you, as always.

2009-06-15T02:08:00.002+08:00

grandfather has left us,
and it wasnt a peaceful one.
he puked blood before passing on.

no words can describe the emotions running inside me now.
i couldnt even be by his side to bid him goodbye.
i just hate myself for falling sick at the wrong time.

all of us thought he just caught a common flu,
but it turns out to be pneumonia,
and it took his life.
he's gone forever.

2009-06-14T20:52:00.002+08:00

the doctor said he's leaving us anytime now.
i hate myself for falling sick at this crucial moment;
i cant even see him for one last time.

i hate myself.
i hate myself.
i hate myself.

2009-06-14T12:01:00.003+08:00

grandfather is admitted to the hospital again.
doctor diagnosed him to be in critical condition,
and he might not make it back home this time.

i wanted so much to be with him,
but i cant go to the hospital,
because i wont get through the temperature screening.
for all i know, i might be transferred to the CDC because i'm having all the flu symptoms - fever, cough, flu, sore throat.

the feeling of helplessness simply sucks.
there's nothing i can do but to wait for the phone calls at home.

i would blame myself forever if i am the cause of his pneumonia.

2009-06-11T14:36:00.003+08:00

sometimes its really sad to know that someone whom have been so close with you for years, yet in the end, that person still couldnt understand what kind of a person am i.
there are times when i am feeling down or moody or whatever,
but i dont find the need to explain to you as to why am i behaving like that.
there's no obligations involved anymore.
anyway, would you even care even if i told you?
maybe you will say you care about me,
but i felt otherwise.
that kind of special mutual trust has long gone,
and it will never ever come back again.

what really pisses me off is that,
you are forever saying you will not contact me ever again, after i gave you that kind of 1 or 2 words reply?
what kind of logic is that?
isnt that acting childish?
obviously i was feeling unhappy or moody or other reasons, thats why i replied in such a manner!
in the end, what i got from you is "FUCK OFF! and STOP BEING A BUM!"

of course,
i was pretty upset about those words,
but i decided to ignore it,
because there wont be any ending to it.
it will happen anytime again.

anyway,
i was feeling so down these few weeks.
(and that person make me even more upset last night.. oh wells.)
decided to visit the GP since i dont see any improvements to it.
did a blood test,
and the report is out.
i need to take another test again.
sighs.
really feel so tired.
i just hope that things will go back as per normal soon.

ps: sorry to friends if i cancelled any appointments at the very last minute... really sorry. :/

2009-06-04T12:27:00.007+08:00

i was flipping through the photo albums and all my childhood memories came back.
i really miss being a small little girl;
no stress, no worries.

the 3 musketeers.
really miss those good old times with cousin and brother.

HAHAHA!
is that really me? omg! :x:x:x

oh wells.

if only everything was as simple as before.
but thats highly impossible since we are living in such a fast paced country.
life is full of stress, worries, anxiety and maybe excitement and happiness at certain period of time.
personally, i am not someone who would cope well with stress.
i get emotional so easily that i do freak out at times at the thought of it. :x
i really need to learn to relax,
and i think its a good time now to do so...

2009-06-01T21:22:00.002+08:00

i am so angry with myself for not answering his calls.
perhaps i'm just not lucky enough to catch him;
the phone always happens to be inside my bag whenever he calls!

nevermind.
i will sms him instead.
;)

2009-05-31T22:14:00.001+08:00

if it still persist, i will need to visit a dermatologist soon.

2009-05-26T14:33:00.001+08:00

i will be changing my hp number soon.
am still receiving prank calls which is just so damn irritating.

2009-05-25T22:09:00.010+08:00

i'm back!
anyway, the weather was rather disappointing.
but its definitely better than Singapore's.
its so freaking hot now!
i'm sitting right in front of the fan, yet i'm still sweating.
arghhh!!! AIR-CON~ i need you!

anyway,

as usual,
eat, shop, walk, and walk, and walk and pictures!
the food was another disappointment.
it caused me to have food poisoning,
just as im about to head to bed at around 12am,
the pain came.
it was so sudden that i almost died.
so terrible.
luckily i'm able to get to sleep after a bomb in the toilet.
but the next morning was another round of bombing.
total maddness.
luckily i felt better after that.

we headed down to Chin Swee Temple around 10am.
had our brunch - vegetarian meal.
finally a decent meal.
the food was good.
and the place was simply gorgeous.
it was so peaceful,
with really beautiful scenary.
i love the place so much.

went to catch a movie, 'Night at the Museum 2' after that.
nice show.
and its worth the money.
RM17 for premium seating + popcorn + drink + snack.
where can we get such a good deal in singapore?
dream on! hahaha.

anyway,
fun times always passes so quickly.
back to reality.
but i hope to go on another trip soon!
i hope.. ;)

korea? taiwan? china? canada?
hahaha.

pictures.

Chin Swee Temple

goodnights!

2009-05-21T21:43:00.002+08:00

today's paper is the most horrifying paper of all.
all i can say is, it would be a miracle if i can pass corporate finance.
miracle~ miracle~ i need you!

on a happier note,
EXAMS ARE FINALLY OVER!

and i'll be going Genting early on the morning tomorrow. :D

these 3 weeks have been so hectic and stressful and tired.
i badly need to destress.

anyway, good luck to those having last paper next week!

2009-05-14T13:08:00.002+08:00

the marketing paper was tough.
i think they deliberately set the standard higher.

gosh.
what's wrong with all the papers this year?
its totally too far-stretched compared to the past years.
really no point mugging so hard,
because in the end,
i would end up staring at the paper,
with my mind in a total blank.

:(

one more paper to go.
and that's my worst fear.
good luck!

2009-05-10T17:01:00.002+08:00

i am feeling extremely lousy today,
just not in any mood to start revising.

i'm so glad that he called.
at least i was happy for 20minutes today.

2009-05-08T00:14:00.002+08:00

the paper was disastrous.
i studied hard, but still its not enough to tackle such tough questions.
its really tough,
that i left 20marks undone.
20 marks for POA questions? thats definitely a first for me.

i was so demoralised after the paper.
and to make things worst,
we got to rush for our next paper - sociology.
within 45mins, we need to fill our stomach, visit the-always-long-queue washroom, walked from Expo Hall 9 to Hall 3, and to do some last minute revision.
i was simply too disappointed for my poa paper, not to mention doing last minute revision for socio as well as grabbing a bite.
-stoned. drained. tired.

SIGHS!

really upset.
ahHhhHHHhh~~~~~~~~~~~

2009-04-26T20:36:00.003+08:00

that was so sweet of him.
=)

2009-04-21T21:30:00.003+08:00

noisy and irritating they may be,

but no doubt they bring me joy and laughter.

so, how can i do without them?

forever my precious. ♡

2009-04-19T12:04:00.003+08:00

only recent months,
i started to experience stomach discomfort; cramp, days before the monthly thing.
usually it'll only be during the first and second day.

either or, both hurts badly.

is that normal?

i'm think its better to go for a checkup.
will do so after my exams.
meanwhile, i can only take panadol to ease the pain.

sadness.

the discomfort is affecting my revision.
i feel so lethargic.

18 days left.

2009-04-15T21:33:00.002+08:00

i have always thought that sociology is a boring subject,
especially with such a boring lecturer.
and i seriously hate going for classes.

but today,
all of us enjoyed the 6 hours overseas revision lecture!
the UOL lecturer is so humourous.
it makes the forever-boring-sociology lesson so interesting.
laughters and more laughters.

if only, my lecturer was half as good as him.
i would definitely love sociology then.

2009-04-14T21:32:00.001+08:00

got back the prelim scripts,
and indeed it was disastrous for corporate finance.
it was pathetic.
i need to work triple hard for that paper.

2009-04-13T13:59:00.001+08:00

i think...
i still prefer long hair. :x
oh wells.

2009-04-11T11:29:00.002+08:00

finally, i went to the salon and trim my hair short!
though not that short, but its still short - shoulder length.
actually, i couldnt decide how 'short' should it be.
and before i could decide, the stylist snip my hair off!
all thanks to my aunt, for telling him to cut as short as possible, since i couldnt make a decision at that moment.
and they both gave me that kind of evil-smile after snipping it off.
-__-!
what else can i say?

hahaha.
anyway, it looks.. not bad.
its something 'new' for me.
maybe i should say i'm not that particular about it.
=)

all thanks to the hairstylist.
he's good.
*nods-nods*

2009-04-08T21:56:00.002+08:00

i'm left with 29 more days to study before the commencement of the first and second paper.
(i'm sitting for 2 papers in a day.)
kill me please.

anyway, after having gone through the prelim solutions,
i'm even more certain that i gonna flunk at least 2 out of the 3 prelim papers!
if i'm going to sit for the finals in this current state,
i'll be sooooo dead.
x x
-

i need more motivation!

2009-04-05T22:14:00.002+08:00

FINALLY, my brother received his enlistment letter yesterday!
YAY~*jumps around* (i can finally save money. hahaha.)

B U T. . .

coincidentally, his enlistment date is EXACTLY THE SAME DATE WHICH WE PLANNED TO GO GENTING! shheeeessshhhh. :/ (buy 4d or ToTo also not so 'lucky'.)

ps: brother! i will go on a trip without you ok? i'll take lots of photos and let you drool with envy. hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha~

2009-04-01T23:14:00.001+08:00

afterall, i realised its better to keep certain things to myself.
maybe i'm just being stubborn here.

2009-03-30T22:28:00.003+08:00

i have many things in mind to blog about,
but i'm just feeling so restless and moodless and upset.. and worried.

1. an idiotic fat malay boy stepped on my slipper, causing the strap to 'snap', and his mother just happily hold his hand and they walked away without even apologising. my feet was red and swollen as the impact was so huge that it caused the thick strap on my slipper to snap. to make things worse, i got to walk barefooted all the way from malaysia custom to the shopping centre. i was so pissed, yet embarrassed at the same time. GIVE ME BACK MY 1-AND-ONLY SLIPPERS~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ :(

2. (on the same day) an indian man stepped on my big toe while alighting the bus from JB. :( :(

3. while opening the cupboard, i BANGED myself! how dumb am i.. sighs. result: BIG BRUISE.

4. <<排排站, 查查看 3>> went to film my aunt's stall.

exams coming soon,
but i've not started on my revision.
sighs.

仍然没有消息 ... 好担心, 好不安 ...
怎么办? :(

2009-03-27T22:06:00.002+08:00

its been almost 3 weeks.
and during these 3 weeks, i realised something.
its something inexplicable, but i'm quite certain about it.

hope to see him soon.
meanwhile, i'm so worried!!!!
where are you??????
=(

2009-03-22T21:35:00.002+08:00

i am craving for chocolate fudge cake and nachos with melted cheese,
though i just had my fill of chocolate fudge cake last night.
it was the best cake i've ever eaten.

2009-03-20T22:40:00.003+08:00

perhaps my presence indeed brings about unhappiness to people.
that's why they always say, "这是我欠你的!"

but, what have i done to deserve that kind of treatment?
i did nothing, i said nothing,
yet you hurl abuses at me.
i feel so emotionally hurt.
you are so bias.

and you.
why must you always come and agitate me whenever i'm feeling down?
does it mean that one-word reply in msn means that i'm showing you attitude?
and if you want to ask me out for dinner, of course i would need to check against my schedule before deciding whether i'm free or not.
what's with the 'why must make schedule here and there... a bit ridiculous dont you think?"
excuse me.
you are not my only friend.
and i dont think i need to explain or argue with you any further.
because in the end,
i will only hurt myself with all the stupid lies.
what a gullible person am i.
ha.

i need someone,
who will always be there for me whenever i need him.
and not leave me when a problem arises.

where are you?

2009-03-13T11:32:00.002+08:00

well, i should be in the exam hall taking my sociology paper right now.
apparently, i did not go! :x

was so tired after the marketing paper yesterday.
took a nap upon reaching home, but i felt even more tired after waking up.
tried to study,
but my brain wasn't working at all.
so we decided not to go~

THAT MEANS, PRELIMS ARE OVER~ :D
time for some relaxation before the final dash.
hohoho.